A Week of Lacking...

I apologize profoundly for my lack of presence here. I unfortunately do not have anything planned for posting, so you all have to deal with my apologies and ramblings... :]

I've been busier than ever, but hopefully things will slow down now that the semester is over for me... (YAY!) I'm officially half way through my junior year of high school. It's all going so fast in this amazing rush.

Today, I suppose can be a day of shared feelings. Let me name a few:
- Stressed
- Relief
- Regret

Well, that's a few :] . But, I also have been feeling amazingly happy. I attended a concert on Friday with two of my best gals; the bands were Fol Chen and Darwin Deez. It was basically in a shack (at Kilby Court, if any of you are familiar with the Salt Lake area...), but it was fantastic nonetheless.

And of course there's boy trouble- when isn't there? And it's silly, because it really shouldn't be trouble at all. With all my limited, yet vast experience, I should know to steer clear by now. But... there's just something.

Have you ever had a chance with someone and you blew it- because you were scared? I have, with more than one person. I am definitely willing that I have let people go that I wish were still in my life. And I have people that I could have had more than just a friendship with, but I always threw out the excuse that I was scared, or that it wasn't going to work out, or that it couldn't work.

But the thing is is that if things are really meant to work out, then they will. If you aren't mean to end up with that person then you won't, I truly and full-heartedly believe that. Because it really is worth it to find out if you want that person; it is worth risking your heart to find out, rather than sitting around for minutes, hours, months, years and then later finding you really want them.

Because by the time you realize you want them, they don't want you anymore. They're in love with someone else, living and moving on with someone else. Which you can't blame them for, because that's what they are supposed to do. When someone tells you that they don't love you you move on, it's a natural, expected process. So I can blame him, right?

So, often I believe that when I talk, laugh, and joke about old times with him that it means nothing more than a same sense of companionship, that I am nothing more than his friend. And I'm sure that's exactly how it feels to him. Like nothing has happened.

I just wish that to me, it doesn't feel like something.